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Movie Review - The Expendables

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Sylvester Stallone was quoted as saying there aren't enough big, manly movies anymore. The Expendables is the movie that brought every action star together for the biggest testosterone filled epic in years, as a way of compensating for that, or so they say. So, was it as Man-tastic as it looks? Well, put it this way, when I got out of the movie I went up to some guy and punched him, and he thanked me and punched me back. That's what this movie is.

If you are used to flawed, sensitive men that are just looking for love, and are simply in the wrong place, than this movie is not for you. There is nothing Jane Austin and her book club would recognize in this movie about a group of mercenaries who try to overthrow a dictatorship that is corrupt, and well, I guess they're supposed to be bad.

First off, this movie is dumb. There is no reason most of the events besides killing happen, and even that can seem out of place. The acting is pretty bad, and the star, Sylvester Stallone is smug, and silly. The movie seems very happy to just show up, and rest on this laurel. The shooting of the movie seemed kind of amateur, as the cinematographer loved extreme closeups. While that may not be bad sometimes, the closeups were all the time; while someone was getting stabbed in the neck, you had a closeup of Jason Statham's eye, or when the team is reviewing video, you see someones eye, making it hard to keep up with.

That being said, there was a really, really large body count, with men filled with so much testosterone, the screen actually leaked. There were plenty of explosions, and plenty of ridiculously big men punching the crap out of other ridiculously big men. At one point, one of the mercenaries pulls out an extremely big gun and shreds what seemed like hundreds of nameless soldiers to a huge appreciation from the audience. The scene was great, over the top and completely expected in this movie. The most likable character came from Statham, as he just chewed up the scenery and showed a great amount of bad-assery.

The big draw in this movie is the two minutes of screen time that action icons Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger share. This scene was extremely cheesy, and so much shorter than I would like. Also, like the film, it was extremely smug with shots at the other's career and films, and an overall banter that was silly. There seemed to be no acting going, but it was still cool to see all three in the same place at the same time, despite having very little to do with the plot.

Ladies, if you forced your man to see Sex and the City 2, or men, if you went and saw something in the genre of "Rom-Com" this year, then, you are owed this big, stupid hunk of a movie that is silly, and over the top and reminds you of '80s movies like Commando, Rambo, and your favorite other action movies. I promise you, if you go into this movie expecting and looking for mindless action, with extreme violence, you will have a good time.

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